I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Randomize
