You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
