well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
