I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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