Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
