I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
