You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
