Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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