oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
pray to the hookup gods
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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