nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
