I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
