Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
