when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
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