I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
