it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
