I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Sorry my hands just texted you
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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