My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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