pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
