are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
