names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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