good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
