hotel room ftw
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
