chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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