Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
