i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
