shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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