So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
