I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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