just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
