Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
