i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
