So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
