Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
just found out that she named her cat after me.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
