Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
