What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
