Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
