I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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