listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
