Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
