I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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