So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
