Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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