Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
