I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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