dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Randomize
