just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Randomize
