I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Randomize
