why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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