I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
