he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
