You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
