Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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